Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
