I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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