Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
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Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
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It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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