She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
