he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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