just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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