Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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