AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
