You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
