I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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