Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.