Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I could have mohawked her pubes.
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SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
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The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.