that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
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Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
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I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.