Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!