It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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