put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
