I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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