I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
wanna go halves on a baby?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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