Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
