oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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