Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
