dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize