she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
false alarm, still single
Randomize
