You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
