Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
