dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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