i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
