I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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