do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
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