No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
