You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
