He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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