my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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