i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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