But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
