And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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