apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize