I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
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