New invention idea: vibrating tampons
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
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