My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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