K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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