im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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