You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I am one with the molecules
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
