Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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