Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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