how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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