well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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