You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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