I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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