I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
