Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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