HIV tests are more positive than that guy
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Randomize
