Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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