id be glad to
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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