im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
