We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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