i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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