I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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