so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
