I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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