You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
