No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
