Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He had one of those small greek statue penises
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
