THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
