I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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