Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
