enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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